I hate repeating myself.
It bothers me so much, that if I am in a bad mood and someone needs me to repeat something more than twice, I'm done. They had their damn chance.
I somehow never imagined this being an issue when having kids.
I know that when you have kids you say the same shit to them, a lot. You say things like "Please turn the bathroom light off" when you hear the toilet flush-every. time. you hear. the toilet flush. because you know they never turn the light off. You say "Stop fighting" and "No tattling" and "Quit licking that" or "We only touch our pee pee when we're alone, not in the grocery store Jackson" almost every day, if not multiple times in a day.
Irritating after a long day, but fine.
What's less fine?
Saying the same thing 392938239823298 times, without having the chance to say anything different in between because it's the ONLY thing you want the child to hear until it gets done AND THEY JUST WONT DO IT.
Examples: Eat your dinner, and Go to sleep.
Jackson's new thing these days is taking as long as humanly possible to do those two things.
I literally have to have dinner in front of him by 6:30 because he will take every minute of the next hour to eat it, and he still needs a bath, a story, his teeth brushed and some run around time before his 8 pm bedtime.
What is he doing that make dinner take so unbelievable long?
He's playing with his shoe lace and he's asking if giraffe's make a noise and he's telling his sister that dinner's not a race and he's asking for more milk and he's cracking jokes and he's going on bathroom breaks and he's spinning around in circles and he's singing songs and he's driving me batshit crazy.
Mainly, he's talking.
About anything. It doesn't matter.
Just. Fucking. Rambling.
Until at some point, after having said 409 times "Jackson, eat your dinner!" I end up snapping, losing my schmidt and saying "Shut your mouth and eat your food!" which makes no sense, but I yell it so it doesn't have to make sense because it's loud and it makes him eat...for about 5 seconds.
And then it's bedtime.
Jackson is clean, his teeth are brushed, he's sat quiet and still through his story, and he's all snuggled next to me in bed.
And now he wants to ask every single question in the world again.
Can I have more milk?
I'm still thirsty.
What's for breakfast tomorrow?
If I sleep for a little bit then can I get up and watch a movie?
Can you watch a grown up movie while I fall asleep?
I dont like bedtime.
Sleeping makes my tummy hurt.
Nighttime is too long.
Do I have to go to daycare tomorrow?
Can I see Papa this weekend?
Can I go say goodnight to Lainie again?
When will I go to school like she does?
Can I get out of bed now?
And in my head I'm all SHUTUPRIGHTNOWANDGOTOSLEEPBEFOREIPUNCHALLTHEWALLS.
But outwardly I'm like "Jackson, seriously, go to sleep. Now. This isn't funny. No more milk. Because I said. You just went pee. Fine, go one more time. No, you can't have cereal. Seriously, go to sleep. Do you want to go sleep in your own room? Do you want a time out? Do you want to lose your pillow and your blanket? No I wouldn't actually take your blanket, but you do have to go to sleep before Mommy starts crying. Because I'm tired. I don't know what sadness is made of. OH MY GOD GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP. Yes, mommy said a bad word. She's sorry. Go. To. Sleep."
I feel like this phase of Jackson's development is by far one of the most irritating.
Maybe second only to that really fun phase he went through of waking up every night at 3 a.m. to stand in his bed and scream, inconsolably, and then ask for peanut butter and go back to sleep.
Like that phase, I'm sure this one will pass. Until then, if you need me I will be rocking back and forth in the corner mumbling "eat your dinner and go to sleep" over and over with drool coming out of the side of my mouth.
Because I'm going fucking insane.