I wanted to be as hollow as a thrown out bottle
So that you could pour yourself in
Filling my glass walls to the brim
Like a child collecting sand in a jar
All your small grains and fragments of stars.
I wanted to be as light as a bird
So that I could feel the wind and the water moving through me
Whistling and singing in my empty space
Ruffling my feathers as blue as morning
And rocking me forward and back as I nestled down in the bushes to sleep.
I wanted to be shiny and new as a clean penny
So that you would see me glistening on the sidewalk someplace
And pick me up
Examine me in the palm of your hand
Check for a date
Slip me into your pocket for good luck and I could be with you the rest of the day.
But instead I feel only heavy
Wet all the way down to my soul
And laden with sorrow
My confusing temperament
My melancholic disposition
My need for your unwavering attention
Your undying devotion
Leaves dark circles below my eyes that I carry all day long
It tangles my hair
It soils my hands
And I feel neither hollow, nor light, nor clean or free or suited for anything.
I drink the ink from my own pen and turn in circles in bed
Listening to the birds and the wind and clear night sky
Outside my window
All mocking me.