Tuesday, November 15, 2011

An Ideal Life

One day, Mr. Redford.....one day....

When you were little, did you sit around and daydream with your friends about what your life would be like? 
Who you would marry, what kind of house you would have, what you wanted to do for a living?
Did you picture kids? How many? 
A little dog named Rover or a cat named Fluffy?
Were you a superhero, or a doctor, or a famous musician?
When I was little, I was going to marry Robert Redford and live by the beach in California, or somewhere green, like back east, where it rained a lot, there were seasons and everything was green.
I was either going to have two kids, or 6 kids. A small family or a huge one, there was no in between for me. I would be a writer, an actress, a midwife, a doctor, a scientist, an astronomer, a geologist and a marine biologist. In my mind, one lifetime was more than enough to do it all.

My life didn't turn out exactly like I'd planned. 
Fate rolled this way, and that way, and long story short, I never married Robert Redford. *sigh*
When I think now about what an ideal life would be like, I contradict myself a million times.
I want a simple life, that is completely extraordinary.
I want a normal, happy life, and to live life's most unbelievable adventure.
Are you following?

I want a life that makes sense.
One where I know who I am, and where I belong, and for the first time ever I have a firm grasp on where and what home is.
That's something I never had.
A place that felt like home.
Over the years I've grown to understand that you don't buy a house or rent a condo, because it's home.
You end up somewhere with people who become your family.
They become your home.
Your life becomes your home, because you're doing what you're meant to, you are where you belong.
I want to create a life, with people that I love dearly, people who I'm capable of giving my whole heart to. I want to wake up each day among the people and things and memories of a life we've all created together. A perfectly imperfect existence where it's loud sometimes, and mistakes happen sometimes, and memories are treasured all the time, and there are moments where love swells up so big in my chest that I feel like I'll be crushed beneath the weight of it.
I don't care anymore if we have a dog or what it's name is, or if we have a fluffy cat, or where we live or what we drive or anything of the sort.
In all my wildest dreams now, of an ideal life, the biggest and best fantasy I can come up with, is taking whatever this journey gives me, and laughing about it with the person who understands me the best in the world.
Life's most unbelievable adventure is experiencing every possible bit of magic and wonder, with the people that feel like home to you.
Keeping your eyes open wide enough to see how mysterious a child's imagination is when they're playing in their room where they think no one is watching, or how beautiful morning is when it comes in through the window and lights up your lover's face while they're still sleeping. Keeping your heart and your mind open enough that you can always be moved, touched, surprised, even hurt. 
There is so much to experience in this world, and one lifetime just isn't enough. I want to feel all of it.

In my ideal life, I find adventure in the smallest, simplest and most unexpected places. I find mystery and beauty and passion and joy tucked into corners and pockets and served on the plates I dish out at dinner time.
And at the end of the day, there is someone there to crawl into bed beside, and talk about my day with.
There is someone there who wants to wake up the next day and go exploring. Through our back yard, or another country, or wherever we end up on our journey.
There is someone there who loves me, and understands me, and surprises me each day with how much I am capable of loving them.

Life's most unbelievable adventure is knowing that you can go anywhere, or nowhere, do anything, or nothing, and no matter what you're always home.
You're where you belong. You're doing what you're meant to be doing.

And you're enjoying every single fucking minute of it.