Things have been crazy and stressful around here lately, and my patience has been tested beyond what I consider to be reasonable limits.
I'ts frustrating because just when I thought I had come so far and achieved so much in the area of emotional maturity and self awareness, I am taken completely aback by the actions of others, and the reactions of my own, and I don't know who's right, who's wrong or if what I'm feeling is justified. I doubt and question myself constantly. Thanks, Mom and Dad.
Regardless, we're all still here, we're all still breathing, the kids are still clean, fed and happy and I don't have any gray hair, yet.
Tiny starts school in two weeks, and as much as I am looking forward to it, I am also kind of sad. She's going to be in second grade. She's going to turn 8. She's growing up. And it never stops. Eventually she is going to be 18, she is going to be starting college, she is going to be moving out. I know, in like 10 years, but eventually, it's going to happen. Shit.
The Jedi is still.....The Jedi. A loud, crazy, loving, stubborn, happy, talkative and imaginative boy. Growing up, learning things, talking more, doing more and outgrowing all his clothes. He's still not too big to get in my bed at 3 a.m. though, for which I am very very grateful.
And Sarah? How's Sarah? Sarah is doing what Sarah does best. Surviving. Making it work. Making mistakes. Doing her best. Hoping for the best. And planning for the future. I turn 24 in two weeks from today. I am almost halfway through my twenties. I have had two children, I have had 5 homes since I moved out on my own, I have worked at 10 different jobs in my lifetime, started a business and an apprenticeship toward the license that will grant me the career I've wanted since I was 5. I've done a lot, and I still have a lot more that I want to do.
The clearer that the picture of my future gets in my head, the easier it is to make decisions I once found impossible. Decisions to eliminate or allow certain people in and out of my life, decisions to sacrifice where I didn't want to before, to take risks I was too afraid of in the past, and keep moving, even when I am so tired I can barely open my eyes, let alone take another step.
I am almost 24 and I have lived a lot in the last 24 years. I am hoping to make the next 24 years the happiest of my life.
Sarah is doing ok.